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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New years goals

Update
Thanks for all the advice everyone. I actually have the book the Fly Lady and started it in college, but got to busy to implement anything and forgot about it. I started reading it again last night. I realize today that I don't need to finish everything in one day, and to just let some of it go until tomorrow. I can do Baby steps. I already got rid of a box of things for the thrift store! I also had time to make muffins today! Instead of wearing myself ragged trying to do everything today, I did about half and gave more time to my kids and myself! If momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy, and today I was HAPPY!



I feel like I have struggled for a long time now trying to find a balance between kids, chores, hubby, me time, and church. The kids are number 1 everyday so I can't change that-nor would I want to. Some days are better then others and depending on those days I feel lucky if I can get one more of those categories. Yesterday was a total kids day. As soon as Ben fell asleep for nap time Tayrien woke up and wanted to be held the rest of the day. I did not get anything done. Does anyone else have days like this?
I have always grown up thinking women did certain things in the household like dishes, laundry, cleaning and taking care of kids. I feel totally overwhelmed with this without adding kids to the mix. I don't know know how women did things 30+ years ago. I think I would have to be drunk or on happy pills to have lived back then. I just can't do it all. I feel guilty about not getting things done and that the house looks like the same mess when Daniel comes home from when he left. I also feel guilty wanting him to help me with chores and the kids when he gets home from work. He is sooo busy with work, school and church that I don't want to overwhelm him more than he already is.
I HATE messes and clutter, but no matter how much determination I have my house is always out of order. The toys are more under control now that I have a toy box, but somehow there is more mess. Maybe it comes from having two little ones under the age of 3. I sure hope so. I can at least get through this if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, that's my venting for the morning. Sorry to unload. What do you guys do to balance your chaos?
Ok so the reason I mention this is that it is number 1 on my New Years goals list. Here it the rest:

1. Get a system down for kids, housework, etc.
2. get my young women's recognition again
3. attend the Temple monthly
4. read 2 new books
5. read scriptures daily
6. support and uplift my husband
7. school time for Ben at least weekly
8. FHE every week

What is on your list?

13 comments:

Ally said...

love your list!

Life as a Greenstreet said...

That is QUITE a list. I don't have a lot of advice because I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off 1/2 the time....but having 2 small kids is SO hard! It really is. And, being a family is like being on a team- don't feel guilty for needing help. Goalies don't play soccer by themselves. Quarterbacks don't play football by themselves and Mama's can't do it all by themselves....they just can't! It can only bring good things in the home and in your marriage when you help each other out in the house.
Have you ever read the Fly Lady's book? It's called sink reflections and it's a WONDERFUL organization tool- I need to read mine again because I feel like my house is in shambles!

Rachel said...

Every woman feels like they are in chaos, it's how we keep motivated, I think!
My list is similar to yours:
1.) Clean the kitchen RIGHT after dinner every night. (I'm always too tired later and then I dont do it and yuck.)
2.) Get rid of some of our junk! We have lots of "stuff" that we dont need, Since we'll be moving states in a year and a half we need to dejunk now. It will be a process.
3.) Try to be a better friend. I'm not good at keeping in touch (which you already know)and sometimes I'm not very open or nice. I need to work on being a better friend.

Ashley said...

Britni-
it is hard work! You've got your priorities where they need to be. Your family should be first.
I can't really give any ideas about how to balance it all out especially the organization of the house, that is a huge area i'm working on myself. If you come up with a solution that helps or one u find works let me know. ;)
but like someone else said don't feel guilty for wanting help! It makes things lots better,but also creates a stronger bond within your marriage and when your kids get older they will know the responsibility of working and helping out- I'm not trying to draw attn to myself or make people feel sorry for me but I have to say I know from experience of doing everything on my own. It is really hard!

Ashley said...

Sorry I didn't mean to spell your name wrong!

ALYN said...

Know it's OK if the house isn't clean every day. You are raising children, not showing your house. And sometimes that means the house will not be tidy. But I do understand what you mean about so wanting it to be tidy and clean.

It will get easier. My house is staying quite tidy because I've been having my girls do 2 sessions of "5 min tidy's" per day, and I've been doing 2 "10 min tidy's" When they ask to watch a show, I have them tidy first.

ALYN said...

I also love FlyLady.

And Brittany, you have a very tiny baby. I came back to say: Accomplishing even 1 thing /day with a newborn is a big deal. Be gentle with yourself. It's OK to ask your husband for help. No woman is perfect. Perfection is a myth. Toddlers are mess making machines. Baby steps.

Michelle Church said...

I just wrote a similar post on my blog, lol. Life is hard and yes, Tayrien is still super small. He is at the stage where he needs you all the time, so that makes things even more challenging. He seems like he wants to be held a lot. Do you have the strength to let him cry some in his swing (have him in the same room you are) so you can get things done? I also wore Tyler a ton when he was little and did things around the house. I wore my Moby and it allowed me to have my hands free.


p.s. the temple every month - wow what a goal! That sounds so difficult with the two kids and finding babysitters/taking them with you. Is that goal going to overwhelm you? Good for you though, that's great!
FHE only needs to be 5 minutes. I try to make mine longer, but we had FHE with a great friends and hers was literally 5 minutes. It's hard with little kids to have it longer, plus they have short attention spans. Sing a song, do a little lesson, closing prayer - THERE, you did FHE and Ben WILL learn things. Just don't think it needs to be over the top or creative or anything.

As far as keeping the house clean and tidy, I struggle with that too, I think it's the thing all mothers struggle with. I too have no idea how to balance the husband/wife role and knowing how much to ask of them. One solution we have found is that the daddy's NEED time with their boys, so when Daniel gets home and you've had a little bit of family time, he can have alone bonding time with the boys while you clean/tidy. I find that even setting the timer for 10 minutes and trying to "beat the clock" you can get a ton done.

I tidy while the boys are eating breakfast. I get them settled and run around tidying - throw in a load of laundry (I have two bins - one for the little boys and one for us since they use diff detergent - you could keep one in the boys' room for their clothes). I make our bed, hang up any clothes in our room, sort papers, etc.

After breakfast, I clean up right away, wipe down the table, etc. Before nap and reading books, we tidy the toys. We had trouble keeping things tidy with the toys too since there were too many. If you have plastic bins you could store some away in a closet (or don't you have a little storage shed outside the house you could put them in??)

We tidy again before bedtime, which daddy could be involved with since he has the kids. If you create a schedule, show Daniel, and ask if he's willing to help you, I'm sure he would be on board.

For dinner, I ALWAYS make sure I empty the dishwasher so I can add the dishes as I dirty them. I also have a sink full of hot soapy water to throw the nondishwasher items into and wash a dish or two as I go. I always wipe down the stove after cooking and try to do the dishes right after (again, while daddy has the boys for bonding time). I think it's easier to get it all done right then (even if you're tired, you'll feel better about it) and the food won't be as stuck on.

We have two filing bins for all of my paperwork, but I struggle keeping it there.

I'll send you the documents I use for cleaning/daily tasks to see if it's something you can use for your life.

Michelle Church said...

I just wrote a similar post on my blog, lol. Life is hard and yes, Tayrien is still super small. He is at the stage where he needs you all the time, so that makes things even more challenging. He seems like he wants to be held a lot. Do you have the strength to let him cry some in his swing (have him in the same room you are) so you can get things done? I also wore Tyler a ton when he was little and did things around the house. I wore my Moby and it allowed me to have my hands free.

FHE only needs to be 5 minutes. I try to make mine longer, but we had FHE with a great friends and hers was literally 5 minutes. It's hard with little kids to have it longer, plus they have short attention spans. Sing a song, do a little lesson, closing prayer - THERE, you did FHE and Ben WILL learn things. Just don't think it needs to be over the top or creative or anything.

As far as keeping the house clean and tidy, I struggle with that too, I think it's the thing all mothers struggle with. I too have no idea how to balance the husband/wife role and knowing how much to ask of them. One solution we have found is that the daddy's NEED time with their boys, so when Daniel gets home and you've had a little bit of family time, he can have alone bonding time with the boys while you clean/tidy. I find that even setting the timer for 10 minutes and trying to "beat the clock" you can get a ton done.

I tidy while the boys are eating breakfast. I get them settled and run around tidying - throw in a load of laundry (I have two bins - one for the little boys and one for us since they use diff detergent - you could keep one in the boys' room for their clothes). I make our bed, hang up any clothes in our room, sort papers, etc.

After breakfast, I clean up right away, wipe down the table, etc. Before nap and reading books, we tidy the toys. We had trouble keeping things tidy with the toys too since there were too many. If you have plastic bins you could store some away in a closet (or don't you have a little storage shed outside the house you could put them in??)

We tidy again before bedtime, which daddy could be involved with since he has the kids. If you create a schedule, show Daniel, and ask if he's willing to help you, I'm sure he would be on board.

continued....

Michelle Church said...

Okay, so I just lost the first half of what I was saying because it was too large and didn't give me a chance to redo it. Bummer. I'll try to remember what I wrote and send it in another comment. For now, here's some other info.

For dinner, I ALWAYS make sure I empty the dishwasher so I can add the dishes as I dirty them. I also have a sink full of hot soapy water to throw the nondishwasher items into and wash a dish or two as I go. I always wipe down the stove after cooking and try to do the dishes right after (again, while daddy has the boys for bonding time). I think it's easier to get it all done right then (even if you're tired, you'll feel better about it) and the food won't be as stuck on.

We have two filing bins for all of my paperwork, but I struggle keeping it there.

I'll send you the documents I use for cleaning/daily tasks to see if it's something you can use for your life.

p.s. the temple every month. Wow what a great goal. That is so hard with the kids/finding babysitters. Will that goal overwhelm you? Great goal though.

Michelle Church said...

Okay, blogspot is going crazy!! It told me it couldn't post what I wrote and didn't show up, so I tried to redo it a couple times and it said the same thing. Obviously it worked. So now you get what a said a million times. lol

Kori said...

Don't be so hard on yourself! No mom can do it all. For me I have to get my personal scripture study/prayer in every day or nothing goes right. Probably because I don't have the spirit with me. As far as the house goes, I try to keep up with the dishes during the day, let the toys go until the end of the day and then one other thing each day: laundry, bathrooms, floors. Most of the housecleaning happens after bedtime. Also, ask for help from your husband, remember that your job is 24/7 and he gets off work and comes home. I try and do the Mommy pre-school thing with my kids also, but some days it's just reading books on the couch for 15 minutes. Do your best, that's all anyone can ask.

Michelle Church said...

Oh good. I'm glad it was a better day and muffins - that's always fun! Keep us in mind if you're getting rid of anything we could use for a new house. We'll have to get some stuff since a lot of it is Danny's.