Final chapter

This is the very last day. The final chapter in this pregnancy number 2. It has been very different than my first time around.

I was very ill at the beginning. So ill in fact I spent two months lying on the couch unable to move or sit up. It was very hard to take care of Benjamin. My selfless mother was with me every day during this hard time. It made me so sad to have to let someone change Benny's diapers and feed him for me. I felt so helpless. With Ben's pregnancy I threw up a lot, but this time the nausea feeling never went away for those two months. I have a really hard time accepting help from people. I think it is the way I was brought up. Independent, strong women raised me and I kind of took on that mentality.

When I was finally able to walk and take care of myself as well as my child I felt so much better. I had all this energy and I loved food! I felt like a totally different person so I took advantage of this and accomplished a lot during these few short months.

I am unusual in that I experience contractions practically the whole pregnancy. I started them even earlier this go around at 10 weeks. Toward the end of the pregnancy things started to get way more intense. The contractions were really painful, like labor and delivery painful. Around 33 weeks was my first of many trips to the OB floor for preterm labor. They gave me a shot to stop contractions and sent me on my way telling me to take it easy. I did a little, but it is really hard with a two year old. Three weeks later I was in again and put on bed rest. Daniel moved the bed into the living room and my mom practically lived with us again. I don't know what I would have done without her! My mother in law came one day and was such a great help. The outpouring of generosity from friends has been enormous during this time. Like I said earlier, I have a hard time accepting help, but my hands were tied, so I have reluctantly accepted it. I am so grateful for the many play dates and wonderful meals that have been brought. The baby dropped two weeks before the c-section date and I started experiencing sharp pains. We wen to the hospital again and they gave me pain meds. Before I even walked out the hospital doors, I had to stagger back up stairs. I was so nauseous and felt drunk or high. I could hardly walk and probably looked drunk trying to do so. When I made it up stairs I asked the nurse if it was normal and she said sometimes it goes to my head...didn't understand that, but then I needed a bathroom where I threw up. She got me a wheelchair and put me back in my room until someone could wheel me downstairs. I was on the phone with my mom when all this happened so she called my step-dad Dan and he was literally two minutes away. He stayed with me until Daniel could make it back up stairs. The nurse said I would be fine if I ate something and I went home. I could barely move and was very loopy. I just made it into my driveway and had to throw up again. I kept trying to eat, but it would always come back up. I slowly driffted off into crazy halucinating loopy comatose state. The next two days I felt like I was hit by a truck. I guess the meds they gave me have a small chance of reacting the way they did and I was the lucky winner of that giveaway. I have not been back to the OB floor since and told my self I wouldn't unless my water broke. So that was two weeks ago and now I have made it. I really thought I would have gone earlier, but this baby has a mind of it's own.

This morning I have a pre-registration, whatever that means and tomorrow Daniel and I will go tot the hospital at 5am to prepare for a 7am surgery. I was really prepared to go early so to make it this far seemed like a huge feat. especially with all the complications. At the beginning of this week my mom and I started to nest by cleaning the house top to bottom. More so nesting on my part and my poor mom was just here to help. I bet she could sleep for a week! Now that everything is clean and organized and ready for our little one, I almost wish I had more time. Maybe it is because I know of the sleep deprivation coming, or maybe it is because of the gaping hole they will cut into my belly. I still don't remember everything from the first time. I guess that why practice makes perfect. I had a dream that this baby was toe headed with red freckles. I guess we will find out soon enough.

Ben is not a cuddly boy and lately I think he knows something is changing because he loves to snuggle and give hugs and kisses. I have really enjoyed this close time with him. I hope he will transition easily with the new baby. I think the bed rest has helped prepare him and me for this. I love him so much and am excited to meet and create such a bond with a new baby.

Poor Daniel has gone through a lot this time too. He is the worrier and I think I gave him an ulcer this time around. He has been such a great support and help. Ben and him have grown closer and I am very grateful for their special bond. Thank you for everyone who has helped me in this adventure!